


Spelling Mistakes

by Seamus_Fanigan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angelica's Wizarding Sex Shop, Attempt at Humor, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seamus_Fanigan/pseuds/Seamus_Fanigan
Summary: Luna goes shopping for Hermione.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Luna Lovegood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Spelling Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> Just a bit of light-hearted silliness involving some of my favourite fictional witches.

It was quiet in the Hogwarts library on Friday evening. That was why Hermione had chosen to sit there. She had hurried there immediately after supper, her friends shaking their heads in good-natured exasperation at her insistence that she wanted to get her homework finished before the Hogsmeade weekend.  
But that wasn't why Hermione had spent the last few hours alone in a secluded alcove, her transfiguration text book unopened, as she stared blankly at nothing.  
She was trying to figure out what to do about her feelings for Luna. Feelings that had grown since the beginning of term until she was finding it difficult to concentrate. Acknowledging to herself the fact that she found Luna beautiful, sexy and so desirable had been the easy part. That facts had been inescapable. The problem was what should she do about it. She had waited with baited breath for weeks for Luna to make the first move, but the young Ravenclaw had continued to be....well.....Luna.  
It was that that confused Hermione; she couldn't figure out whether Luna's behaviour had just been her usual unashamed innocence and her frank way of discussing anything that came to mind, or whether she was flirting with her.  
For instance, that time that she had unbuttoned her shirt to show Hermione her new butterbeer cork necklace. A necklace that had nestled in the cleavage that Luna was happily displaying, a necklace that Hermione had ignored as she stood in the corridor captivated by her friends breasts.  
"Well what do think Hermione?" Luna had said, "You've been looking for ages."  
Hermione had stammered a lame compliment and had had to steady herself against a suit of armour as Luna had turned and skipped innocently away.  
Then there had been that time they were studying together in the library and Luna's quill had dropped below the desk. With no modesty whatsoever Luna had dropped to her knees and stuck her head under the desk to look for the missing quill. It had been a warm day and Luna had been wearing a short skirt. A very short skirt that had barely covered her knickers as her bum had wiggled inches from Hermione's hands. The word 'peachy' had been going round and round in Hermione's head for some time when she had been startled by a whisper in her ear.  
"She's adorable isn't she? Go on Granger, treat yourself. If you don't, I just might."  
Hermione's head had snapped round and she had looked straight into the green eyes of a smirking Pansy Parkinson. She'd glared ferociously at Pansy until the Slytherin had walked away grinning.  
Luna had emerged from beneath the desk smiling and triumphantly holding up the lost quill.  
"It's always worth having a good look Hermione." She had said with complete innocence, brushing the cobwebs from her hair.  
"I did." Hermione had answered, before blushing scarlet and bending to concentrate on her charms homework.  
That's how it had been for weeks. She'd never spent so much time with Luna before. Whether studying together, practicing together in the Dumbledore's Army meetings or just hanging out, she and Luna had been almost inseparable. She wanted to be with the young Ravenclaw every spare minute; and even though Hermione had been too shy to go looking for her, Luna had always seemed to turn up. Her unruly blonde hair framing her gently smiling face. Her perfume, a blend of ocean spray, freshly mown grass and something Hermione couldn't identify, following her around. Hermione could smell if Luna had been in a previous lesson just by her scent lingering in the classroom.  
Hermione's imagination had proved itself just as unruly as Luna's hair. Sometimes, as she lay in bed in the Gryffindor dorm, she hugged her pillow as she pictured herself and Luna taking romantic walks along a windswept beach. Sometimes she imagined dates and dancing and kissing. Sometimes she imagined, glad that no one could see her blushes, passionate and gymnastic sex.  
Hermione had no doubt about her own feelings. She just had no idea what to do about them. What she had with Luna wasn't enough, she wanted so much more. But what if Luna didn't feel the same? What if she was offended if Hermione asked her out? Hermione knew that what she had wasn't enough but was desperate not to lose it. And so she sat, alone in the silent library, in turmoil. Undecided, but ruefully certain that she would never be able to make the first move herself.  
Luna's unique scent broke through her reverie a moment before she heard her say, "I thought I'd find you here. All work and no play makes Hermione a dull girl you know?"  
Hermione turned to see Luna smiling next to her, hands clasped in front of her and swinging her hips from side to side as if she were listening to music only she could hear.  
"You are coming to Hogsmeade tomorrow though aren't you Hermione? I'm sure it's going to be a lovely day."  
Hermione nodded.  
"Would you like to go for a cream tea at Madam Puddifoot's? She has lovely cream cakes?"  
"Isn't that for, you know, couples?" Hermione squeaked, blushing again.  
"Is it?" Luna replied coyly, "I go for the cakes. I particularly like the chocolate éclairs, they're yummy. How do you eat yours? I like to lick the cream out of the middle very slowly." Luna mimed the action, her tongue poking through her lips. "I lick it over and over again, my tongue going a little deeper each time until it's all the way in and I have to wiggle it about to explore every nook and cranny." She gazed at Hermione with bland innocence. "Sometimes I can make it last half an hour. I could show you if you like. If you come with me."  
Hermione, up until now consumed with thoughts of Luna and her skilful tongue, panicked. She was terrified, her thoughts a jumble of 'what ifs' she panicked and blurted out the first half-baked excuse she could think up.  
"I forgot." she stammered, "I really have to figure out this transfiguration essay Luna. I think I'll have to stay here tomorrow. But I hope you have fun. Sorry!"  
Luna had looked at her with gentle understanding. "That's alright Hermione. I can show you any time. It just might not be with an éclair that's all. I'll have to think of something else instead. Maybe a nice warm muffin. Is there anything I can get you from Hogsmeade while I'm there though?"  
Grateful for the distraction from more thoughts of Luna's tongue technique, Hermione tore off a corner of parchment and scribbled a quick list of the first things that came to mind and handed it to Luna.  
Luna glanced at the list and nodded thoughtfully. "I'll get you all these Hermione, no problem. I'll find you when I get back. Now come along, it's time we went to bed." Luna stood in front of Hermione holding out her hand.  
Hermione squeaked something that might have been "What?" but allowed Luna to take her hand.  
"It's high time we went to bed miss." Luna said with mock severity as she led Hermione by the hand from the library. "You have to walk all the way to Gryffindor tower and I have to get back to Ravenclaw tower. You've been here ages and it's nearly lights out. We don't want to get caught by Mrs. Norris." Luna wrinkled her nose with distaste. "I don't like her at all."  
Luna stopped halfway down the stairs that led away from the library and turned to Hermione, the torch lights reflecting in her pale blue eyes and making them twinkle.  
"Which is a surprise really. I usually really like pussies. Do you Hermione? Do you like pussies as well?"  
Hermione nodded, unable to speak. There was nothing in Luna's voice or face that gave her the slightest clue if this statement was anything more than about an affection for cats. Luna just looked at her with simple, childlike curiosity.  
"Of course you do," Luna said, gently squeezing Hermione's hand, "You have Crookshanks. He's lovely. You're so lucky to have such a lovely pussy Hermione."  
"Yes he is Luna. At the end of a long day I like to sit with him on my lap and tickle him behind the ears."  
Luna had halted them at a junction in the corridors and let go of Hermione's hand.   
"I like that as well Hermione, it helps me relax; curled up all cosy in an armchair and tickling my pussy."  
"I didn't know you had a cat Luna, you've never said....."  
"Of course I don't have a cat you silly, whatever gave you that idea? Goodnight Hermione Granger."  
And with that she blew a kiss at Hermione, turned, and skipped off down the corridor toward Ravenclaw tower humming happily to herself.  
Hermione stared after her in maddened frustration yelling internally, "WHY WON'T YOU JUST BLOODY KISS ME?" but eventually gathered herself together and made her slightly wobbly way toward the steps that led up to Gryffindor tower and her dorm.  
"There's definitely going to be lots of blushing behind the curtains of my four poster tonight." she thought.

****************************

Hermione had a very productive Saturday in the library; three essays completed, background reading for Monday's potions class and absolutely no daydreaming about snogging Luna. Well maybe a bit, but hardly any, not really.  
Looking out of the window she saw the younger students returning from Hogsmeade, laughing and joking and carrying their bright green Honeydukes bags.  
Hermione felt buoyed up with confidence; back to her old self, studious, talented and forthright. She stood, straightened her skirt and gave herself a stern talking to.  
"Right Granger. She's gorgeous, you want her, damn well go and get her. Courage Granger, remember you're a Gryffindor." And with her shoulders back she marched from the Library down to the great hall to wait for Luna's return.  
She had been there, sitting alone at one of the long house tables, for only a few minutes when Luna entered the hall and gave her a big beaming smile. Walking over Luna placed her shopping bag, large, glossy black and with a prominent golden 'A' glittering on the front, on the table between them before sitting down opposite.  
"Hello Hermione Granger. I've got your shopping."  
Hermione looked at her friend in puzzlement, "But that's not a Honeydukes bag Luna. Where did you go?"  
"Oh, I couldn't get what you wanted from Honeydukes Hermione. I had to go to Angelica's, you know, down the lane past The Hog's Head." Luna was smiling her innocent, open smile again. "It's lucky I did; they had everything you wanted."  
"But...but....that's....a....a. That's a...." Hermione couldn't finish the sentence she was so shocked.  
"That's right Hermione," Luna answered with her beaming smile, "It's a wizarding sex shop. Not just 'a wizarding sex shop' though, but the best wizarding sex shop in the whole country. You should see the dildo selection Hermione, it stretches across the whole of one wall. Small ones on the left, large ones in the middle and some real whoppers on the right. I mean HUGE Hermione, my eyes were watering just looking at them. They have this one called 'The Thestral 3000' and it must have been at least....."  
"Ssssh Luna!" Hermione hissed, frantically waving her hands to try and silence her friend. "You can't chatter about sex shops and dildos here, anyone might be listening."  
"Oh don't worry about that you silly, there were lots of students there. Lavender and Ron were looking at the manuals, Cho was browsing the lingerie section. Even Malfoy was there, complaining that the magical enlargement cream he'd bought hadn't worked. Anyway, where else could I go to get all the things on your list?" Luna was looking puzzled.  
"But I just asked for things from Honeydukes Luna, I'm sure I did." A dreadful sense of foreboding was creeping up on Hermione, she glanced at the bag on the table. What the hell had Luna bought for her?  
"No Hermione." Luna said, and took the scrap of parchment from her pocket. "I've still got your list. It's right here in black and white, and in your own handwriting." She looked a little crestfallen. "If you don't want them I'll take them back for you. They offer a full refund. As long as they've not, you know, been used."  
Hermione was doubting her own memory. She had been very distracted and in a great hurry when she'd scribbled the list out the night before. And she had just watched Luna miming her eclair technique. No! Surely not, she'd never have written out a list of sex toys. Would she?  
"Luna, there must be some mistake. I asked for a selection from Honeydykes, I mean Honeydukes." She began to count on her fingers to cover her slip of the tongue.  
"First there were tooth flossing stringmints on the list. I distinctly remember writing 'stringmints' Luna."  
Luna smiled and shook her head. Pointing at the list she said, "No Hermione you wrote 'g-string, mint'. I found them in the edible underwear section, see?"  
With that Luna pulled a pair of very skimpy panties from the bag. Edged with blue, the white knickers dangled from Luna's finger, smelling faintly of peppermint. Hermione snatched them and hurriedly stuffed them in her school bag.  
"Luna, for God's sake. Anyone might see."  
"Oh I don't mind." Luna said brightly, lifting out a pair of equally skimpy scarlet ones. "I bought a cherry flavoured pair for myself.   
"You never know," she added, looking earnestly into Hermione's eyes, "when you might meet a witch who wants to nibble your knickers off. If you've changed your mind we could swap though. Do you want my cherry instead Hermione?"  
"Bertie Botts Beans." Exclaimed Hermione, desperately trying to change the course of the conversation. "I remember writing Bertie Botts Beans."  
"Not quite." Luna was peering at the list again. "What you actually wrote was 'Bertie Botts Flick My Beans', just here." Luna pointed at the list.  
"These sound fun so I bought a box for myself as well." Luna reached into the bag and brought out two small boxes that rattled as she shook them. Handing one box to Hermione she read from the other box....  
"New from Bertie Botts. Now witches can enjoy some quality alone time even when their hands are full. Warning. May cause orgasm." Luna looked up and nodded her approval. "Very sensible to put that warning there don't you think Hermione?"  
"Oh God!" Hermione was staring at the picture on her box. A picture of a witch's face in the throes of ecstasy. "What do they do?"  
"Hands free masturbation Hermione Granger, that's what they do. Isn't that clever?" Luna looked delighted.  
"Sssh Luna!" Hermione lowered her voice to a whisper, "What do you mean hands free?"  
"Well, Padma was buying a few boxes so I asked her. She said you pop one in your mouth and it feels just like masturbation. She uses them to stop herself being bored in History of Magic. Your hands are on the desk, holding your quill or turning the pages of your text book, but it feels as if they're in your knickers.  
"I thought I might try it; Professor Binns is so dull. I'll have to be careful though Hermione."  
"Why?" Hermione asked, fascinated despite her embarrassment.  
Luna lowered her voice, "Because I'm very wriggly when I have an orgasm Hermione. Not so much for the first one, but the second and third ones I can't keep still. Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle." Luna gave her winning smile. "It's worth it though, and it's good for my circulation."  
Hermione shook her head to clear the image of Luna writhing as she climaxed. She grabbed her box of beans and stuffed them to the bottom of her schoolbag.  
"What about the everlasting gobstopper? What did I write for that?" Hermione's face bore a resigned expression. Surely this couldn't get any worse?  
Luna looked at the list again. "What it says here is 'everlasting nob, whopper.' I assumed you meant a dildo so that's what I got. I had to get some advice with that one you know?"  
Hermione had hidden her face in her hands. "Advice?" she asked faintly.  
"Yes Hermione. From Pansy Parkinson. I told her I needed help choosing a dildo for you because there were so many to choose from. All sorts of sizes and colours and shapes. The Thestral 3000 was shaped exactly like a......"  
"You told Parkinson I wanted A dildo?" Hermione was staring aghast at Luna, her eyes wide and her face chalk white. "You told Parkinson?"  
"She was very helpful Hermione, and only laughed a little bit. Well, quite a lot actually. But she did help. She recommended The Purple Pleaser, from Sorceresses Secrets. She said she had one and was very happy with it. She wasn't sure whether it was everlasting, but she's had hers since last Hogsmeade weekend and says it's still as good as new. You can upgrade it as well."  
"Upgrade?" Hermione's voice was faint.  
"Yes. I suppose you could call it modular. There's been some very clever magical engineering in its design. Pansy was there buying the harness."  
"Tell me, you might as well." Hermione's voice was leaden with resignation.  
"The harness turns it into a strap-on Hermione. Pansy was buying one because she was going to, what was the phrase she used.....? Oh yes, she was going to 'Do Daphne Doggy'. What does doing Daphne doggy involve do you think?"  
Hermione's head was back in her hands, but she was peeping through her fingers as she watched Luna remove a smooth purple dildo from the bag and stand it on the table.  
"Ta daa." Luna said as she regarded it. "Isn't it brilliant? Are you going to give it a name Hermione? Pansy calls hers Slippery Susan."  
Grabbing the sex toy Hermione desperately crammed that into her schoolbag as well.  
"Please tell me Luna that I wrote sugar quills for the last item on the list. Please tell me that." By now Hermione knew she was grasping at straws.  
"Nope. 'Sugar quims'. You wrote 'sugar quims' Hermione. I've no idea what these do." Luna had reached into the bag and brought out a handful of lollipops. "They were in the novelty section, along with the glow-in-the-dark nipple charms and the 'who's been a bad boy' auto-spanker."  
Putting the rest of the lollipops on the table, she unwrapped one, held it up by its wooden stick and peered at it. The lolly was plain, round and a pale pink.  
"It doesn't look much like a quim does it Hermione? At least not like mine. I wonder what it tastes like." Luna popped the candy into her mouth and gave it an experimental suck. "Just sugar." She said, sounding a little disappointed. "Is everything alright Hermione?"  
Hermione was sitting bolt upright opposite her, beads of sweat on her forehead and her knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the table.  
"When you put that lolly in your mouth," Hermione managed to croak, "I felt your tongue, you know, doing the same to me."  
"So you mean if I do this...." Luna gave the lollipop a long slow lick, "you feel it in your knickers?"  
Hermione let out a long shuddering breath and nodded.  
"And if I circle my tongue around it like this Hermione.....?"  
"Nnnnng" Hermione managed to groan.  
Luna looked impressed as she held the lollipop up before her. "That is clever isn't it? Long distance cunnilingus. Whatever will they think of next?" Luna re-wrapped the lolly in its wrapper and put in her pocket. "I'm going to save this until I have a girlfriend Hermione, the rest are yours."   
Luna picked up her cherry panties and her box of beans and pocketed them as well before standing up, leaving the list on the table.  
"You're not leaving are you Luna?" Hermione asked.  
Luna nodded. "I'm going down to that little glade by the lake, you know, the one surrounded by trees. I'm going to lay in the sun and try out my Bertie Botts Beans, see if they make me wriggle. I'll let you know." With that she gave Hermione a wiggly finger wave and left the hall humming.

***********************

Hermione put the lollipops in her bag and was just picking up the list when she looked up to see Pansy Parkinson standing in front of her.  
"Well done Granger, you took the plunge and got it together with Lovegood." Pansy glanced at the empty Angelica's bag on the table. "You two have a fun weekend to look forward to. Don't forget to use the throb charm built into that dildo will you?"  
"We're not together Parkinson. I'm still not sure if she wants me or not." There was a touch of hopelessness in Hermione's voice as she looked sadly up at Pansy.  
"Jesus Granger! For the smartest witch of your age you're as thick as mince. She's been all over you for weeks. Just go and get her woman. Stop thinking, stop worrying and just kiss her."  
Daphne Greengrass hurried up and tugged at Pansy's sleeve. "C'mon Pansy. You said there was a vacant slot for the room of requirement. Everyone's coming back from Angelica's, we don't want to miss our chance." Daphne was jigging from one foot to the other in her excitement.  
Pansy grinned wickedly at her. "Well we can't leave a slot vacant can we Daph? We'd better go and fill it. Lead the way."  
Pansy turned to Hermione, "You. Lovegood. Snogging. Now Granger." She said and followed as Daphne hurried from the hall.  
Hermione sighed and picked up the scrap of parchment on which she'd written her list. Wondering how she could have been so distracted that she'd written a list of sex toys, she looked at it and read:  
Stringmints  
Bertie Botts Beans  
Everlasting Gobstopper  
Sugar Quills  
"Luna bloody Lovegood" she muttered furiously as she stood up and collected her schoolbag from the bench beside her. "You did that on purpose. Right miss, you're for it."  
Hermione stomped down to the lake, ignoring the greetings from her friends as they returned from Hogsmeade up the main drive. She stomped along the shore until she reached the path that led to the glade Luna had mentioned. She stomped along the path until she reached the glade and stopped.  
Lying in the sun was Luna. Her fingers dug into the turf, her back was arched off the ground as her body squirmed. Eventually she lay still and let out a long sigh.  
"Luna Lovegood!" Hermione shouted as she marched across the mossy grass towards her. "Luna Lovegood just you come here this minute."  
"But I've just cum here Hermione." Luna was grinning up at her. "I can see right up your skirt from down here you know. You're not wearing your minty knickers I notice. Just some rather pretty blue ones."  
"That's what I want to talk to you about." Hermione almost shouted. "You did that to me on purpose. Made up that I'd listed all those sex toys."  
"It's a fair cop Hermione." Luna was still grinning as she held up her hands, wrists together as if waiting to be handcuffed. "Well, now you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" She licked her lips very slowly and arched her brows.  
Hermione stood and looked down at the beautiful, maddening witch as she lay on the grass.  
"I think you should kiss me Hermione." Luna said simply. "You've been wanting to for weeks, and if you don't then I think Pansy will. She was making some very naughty suggestions this afternoon in Anjelica's."  
"She better bloody not!" Hermione said as she dropped to her knees.  
Throwing all caution to the winds Hermione leant over and kissed Luna. Instantly Luna's arms were around her and for several minutes they lay in the sun and kissed.  
When they separated Hermione sat up and looked at the smiling Ravenclaw. "Luna," she said, still a little nervous, "will you be my girlfriend?"  
"Ooooh, yes please Hermione, that would be lovely."  
Hermione smiled.  
"If we're girlfriends now Hermione then I think this evening we should go for a long walk around the lake. A walk with lots of hand holding and snogging. Afterwards that is."  
"That sounds lovely Luna. What do you mean 'afterwards'? After what?"  
Luna took the sugar quim lolly from her pocket and unwrapped it.  
"After I've finished my lollipop you silly." She put the lolly in her mouth.  
At last, at long long last, Hermione lay back in the sun as all her dreams came true.

**Author's Note:**

> Anjelica's Wizarding Sex Shop - Branches in London, Hogsmeade and Glasgow.
> 
> (And the creation of Hermione_Stranger. Kudos)
> 
> Thank you if you leave kudos. Comments more than welcome.


End file.
